It's just a phase... it's just a phase... it's just a phase (and repeat)

When Charlee was an infant I can remember praying, crying, begging, pleading to the man upstairs and/or anyone that would listen, and then praying some more for a good night's sleep.  Just for that one night of laying my head on a pillow when it was dark and not lifting it until it was light.

That day came around seven weeks.  And let me tell you I thought I had this parenting thing DOWN.  I would look at friends whose kids were not sleeping so good and feel almost guilty that Charlee was sleeping so well (and then I would silently pat myself on the back and thank the Lord that my child was a good sleeper)!!

Around her first birthday, people would comment on how much she smiled, how good she slept, what a great personality Charlee had, and they would all follow it up with, "Enjoy it now.  The terrible two's are just around the corner."  And I would think to myself "yeah right!! My kid?  The terrible two's?  No way. Not my kid."

Man, was I wrong!!!

Now as I stare in the mirror at the bags under my eyes, the wrinkles that are showing up on my face, and the gray hair inevitably sprouting on my head- I realize this stage/phase/year plus of a kid's life- is LEGIT.  And it is no joke, my friends!!

Here we are just two weeks into this "phase" and let me tell you- One of us isn't gonna make it through it.  And I'll be willing to bet it's me.

I am beginning to think some better names for this stage in life should be:

"Dear God, why is she screaming again and when will she realize she has no idea what she is mad about" phase?

"I hate everyone, and I like to draw on the walls, pull the dogs tail, and will cut you with my death stare" phase.

"I'm gonna throw myself on the floor and throw an epic shit fit for an hour because the gummies are gone" phase.

Or my favorite "It's my world now, and my parents just live in it" phase.

I mean, let's be real- the name terrible two's just doesn't do it justice!!

And then to add insult to injury, I remind myself that I am going to have to do this phase over again in another two years.

Lord.help.me!!!!!

It's a good thing she's cute... because that smile of hers can cure anything!!  Even my impatience with the terrible two's.

It's just a phase... It's just a phase.... It's just a phase.

Love,
An overly tired momma of a toddler!!

How do you view your glass?

Do you see your glass half empty or half full?

When you wake up, do you say to yourself "I'm thankful for another day," or do you lay there and think "Ughhh, I don't want to get out of bed."

I know I am guilty of the latter more often than not.

We live in a world caught up in day to day priorities and expectations.  We move so fast throughout the day we don't stop to take a breath... Stop to take in the beauty of the life around us.  

We are almost bred to think negatively.  When you watch the news, read the paper or tabloids, or any outlet you choose to stay up to date on current events in the world- you see the negative things, the things that make your stomach turn.  The car wrecks, the abused animals, the child that has died from cancer, the murder that happened in your hometown, and people are drawn to those stories.  

And for every five or six gut-wrenching stories, there may be one or two feel good, positive impact stories. You hear less and less about the good in the world all the time because we have evolved into a world full of worry and doubt, and we forget there is so much to be thankful for.  We forget that life has many more ups than it does downs, and we forget that if we all threw our problems into a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab our problems back.

But all it takes is a little change in perspective to realize that this life you live isn't as half empty as we tend to see it at times.

So I am challenging myself to remember that no matter how bad of a day I may be having, or no matter what season of life I may be in, that my day, my season, my life- is always half full.

We need to remind ourselves:

When you are paying your mortgage or rent and complaining about bills--- Someone doesn't have a roof over their head, a bed to sleep in, or electricity to keep them warm at night.

When you have to sit in traffic on your way to work or deal with a bad boss or co-worker--- Someone is out of work and praying for the job you are complaining about.

When you're having a bad hair day and you are frustrated that it doesn't look just right--- Someone is waking up to hair loss or purchasing a wig due to chemo treatments.

When your kids destroy their play room or throw a fit in public and you want to scream--- Someone is fighting infertility or the loss of a child, and would love to be the mom or dad cleaning that play room.

When your parents call too many times, ask too many questions, or try too hard to be in your business--- Someone is longing for that call from a parent they lost way too early.

When a friend, significant other, or spouse angers you or annoys you--- Someone is wishing for someone that cares for them, wishing they didn't feel alone.

When you go out to eat, and don't get the best service or your food isn't as good as you had hoped--- Someone doesn't have enough money for groceries and will go to bed without dinner.

When you have a bad day--- Someone out there had a worse day.

Life is a matter of how you look at it. We can choose to start and end our day thankful regardless of the things that are going wrong.  It's all a matter of perspective.  If you look down into your glass from above, the glass looks more empty... But, if you stand below and look up into the glass, you will see it looks more full.

That same logic can be used when thinking about God.  When you try and put yourself above God, you see Him as such a small portion of your life, but if you look up to Him, you will see how full He can make your life.  So if you are in a season of negativity, a season of hard times, look up to God, hold your cup above your line of sight, and you will see that your cup can always be half full.  It's just a matter of how you look at it.  A matter of perspective.

So how do you view your glass? Half empty or half full?

Me?  If I really have to think about it- my cups runs over!!

Love,
Page

Things got a little "sticky"

This weekend we were going to be doing a first with Charlee- Three long car trips in three days.  On Saturday, I had a wedding in Austin followed by a doctor appointment in Houston on Monday, which meant driving there from Austin on Sunday, and then back home to Dallas on Monday evening.  

Anyone else out there brave enough to take a one year old on a road trip?

One word of advice… Don’t.do.it!!!

Or if you are going to do it, make sure that the Friday night before you leave you don’t partake in two of your best friend’s birthday parties until 2:00 am… Ponytail, sunglasses and last night’s makeup for the win!!

Let me tell you there are few things worse than that one time you decide to go out “like old times” with your friends and wake up the next morning realizing the toddler in the next room does not care what time you went to bed- they want to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and do the hot dog dance at 7:00 am…. However, one thing that is definitely worse is doing all that and then hopping in the car for a 4 hour car ride with said toddler from the next room!!  This might be one of the closest things to legal torture I have ever put myself though (okay, maybe not THAT bad…. Maybe!)

Luckily though, I have the best kid (we all say that, don’t we), but seriously my kid rarely cries, loves to laugh, and talk… and talk…. and talk.  So the first hour or so was easy- no crying.  She slept.  I slept.  Grandma drove (and probably rolled her eyes at me… LOL).  But then Charlee decided she needed to eat.  And when my kid decides she wants to eat she means RIGHT.THIS.SECOND!   And of course right this second would be when we are in the middle of BFE.

Cue the legal torture.

Apparently my child decided that moment was the moment to see JUST HOW LOUD her vocal chords could get.  I mean when you go a whole two hours without eating who wouldn’t be THAT mad!?!?!  Luckily, a few miles later we passed a McDonald’s- I know, I know… Mother of the Year.  Yes, I feed my kid gluten, high fructose corn syrup, and the occasional french fry.  I ate it growing up and I turned out just fine (it’s called moderation and portion control, people) and if my child is screaming to the heavens and practicing how to bust mommy’s eardrums as fast as possible, then bring on the gluten….

Just.
Stop.
Crying.

I swear a Happy Meal box for a kid is comparable to a new Michael Kors purse for an adult.  The guy in the drive thru hands us the box and before she even tastes the food, the tears are gone. Gone.  And wouldn’t you know this same kid that was in hysterics just seconds before, was now laughing.  I swear she was laughing AT me, because she now knows how to get McDonalds. 

So I hop in the backseat so I can help her and to make sure she doesn’t shove all four chicken nuggets in her mouth at once.  Why do kids do that?!?!

All was good in the world again.  My Excedrin was kicking in, and Charlee was eating and playing with her two new toys- the little plastic Hello Kitty AND the Happy Meal box.  Once she was done eating I let her continue to play with her toys.

Put the Hello Kitty in the happy meal box.
Take the Hello Kitty out of the happy meal box.
Laugh and clap for herself for being so smart.
Put the Hello Kitty in the happy meal box.
Take the Hello Kitty out of the happy meal box.
Laugh and clap for herself for being so smart.
Repeat for the next hour.

She was entertained, and I just love her little laugh and how she amuses herself so I could watch her do that all day.

So we turn the radio back up, and my mom and I start talking when all of a sudden I hear Charlee whining.  So I turn my head to look at her and I see something ALL.OVER.HER. 

For the love of all things holy, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY would you put a sweet and sour sauce in the Happy Meal box without telling the parents?!?!?

I was tempted to turn that car around, drive the hour back to McDonalds and make the 16 year old guy working the drive-thru clean this mess (I mean that is what you get for having the bright idea to put sweet and sour sauce in there in the first place). 

And don’t be fooled.  Those little sauce packets hold a lot.  I swear, it looks like it’s not much- until it is all over your kid- her hands, feet, in her hair, and all over your brand new car seat.  If the car seat had a crease or crevice, some of that sauce found a home in there. 

It.was.everywhere!!!!

So I spent the next 45 minutes cleaning.  Cleaning Charlee.  Cleaning the car seat.  Cleaning the car.  Cleaning myself, because now, I too, was a sticky mess.

Luckily by this time we were almost to Austin, and everything was smooth (or sticky) sailing after that.

So- if you plan to take your child on a road trip, here are a few words of advice:

1.  Do not under any circumstances decide to relive your youth the night before you leave (save it for once you arrive at your destination- you will need it more then anyway. I promise).
2. Don’t stop at McDonalds- but if you are in the middle of nowhere and that’s all there is when your kid is hungry- make sure you threaten the 16 year old boy working the window that you will tell his parents he was out past his curfew the night before if he even so much as looks at a sweet and sour packet.

All in all, the weekend of car rides was fairly easy.
And let’s be honest… what is a road trip without a little excitement?!?

New life.... New blog

I use to blog.... a lot.  I loved it.  I have always loved to write but somewhere in the last year of my life I got away from it.  In fact, I got away from a lot of things.

When I started this blog, I was married, pregnant, had a house of my own and thought I was happy  and that I had it all together.  Little did I know that God had a few tricks up his sleeve, and was going to show me what living and happiness REALLY was.

Now- that is not to say that every day was easy.  In fact, there were many many days at first where it wasn't, but every day I got up and put one foot in front of the other and got through the day.  And now I can say I have come a LONG way, I have found true happiness, and this life I never imagined or planned for has been better than I could have wished for.  I have realized that happiness starts from within, and once you embrace that small piece, the rest just falls in place.

Rewind to eleven months ago----
I left my (ex)husband in December.  In an instant I became a 30 year old single mom to an infant living at her parent's house (I know, I know- every girl's dream).  But it was in the days that followed that I witnessed the greatest acts of friendship and love that I could ever have imagined.  Friends- old and new, and family- near and far, made sure I was okay... Day.in.and.day.out.

And in time, I was okay. Now, almost a year later I am more than okay.

Do I have it all together all the time?  No.  But do I have to? No.

Some days I think I have this single mom thing down, and then Charlee throws her food at me, tells me "no" more times than I can count, and tries to ride the dog like he's a horse- and I realize I don't have it down at all.

But that's okay...

Every day is a new chaos.

Every day is a new challenge.

But every day is also amazing despite the chaos and challenges.

I can truly say I am more content and insanely happy at this current moment in life than I have EVER been.  I have the most amazing people surrounding me- some old, some new, and some that have returned and been reconciled.

In these last few months I have realized several things:
I have realized sometimes God will give you struggles and hardships and force you out of situations, so that He can provide you with the better life He planned for you.

I have realized a kind word or gesture can go a long way.

I have realized life is short.,  Love those that love you, and move on from the ones who don't.

I have realized life won't always be easy.  But it will always be worth it.

I have realized being a single mom at 30 and living at your parents house can somehow show you the path to happiest days of your life.

I have realized finding the good in every situation is the fundamental key to a happy life.

I have realized I am SO incredibly thankful for this last year.  For every moment- good and bad, because it made the most complete and healthy version of me I have ever been.

I have realized how to smile.  A genuine, pure smile- full of joy, full of content, full of life.  I hope everyone experiences that at some point in their life.

So.... that's why I decided to start a new blog.  It's a new life, a new blog, a new adventure- an adventure I am excited about.  I have amazing friends, the best family, a job I love, a God that never fails me, and a wonderful daughter that has shown me what life is really all about.

She has taught me to love deeper than I ever knew possible.  She has taught me a single toothless grin can change your whole day. She has taught me that cartoons and fruit snacks can dry up tears faster than anything.

She has also taught me that putting together fisher price toys can push your patience to the limits, and that changing clothes and putting toys away might make me the meanest mommy in the world.

And one of the key things she has taught me is that if she is whining.... then I'll just be WINE-ing!

Love,
Page

Repairing my Vision

It is funny how life can sometimes throw you curveballs.  These unexpected life-changing moments that will forever leave a stamp on where you have been and set a new path for where you are going.  It was six months ago today that I was thrown that curveball.

I lost my vision.  

In a moment's time, I went from being able to see out of both of my big blue eyes to seeing out of one.  I have had two surgeries to repair what they can of my left eye, and am awaiting a third surgery this summer.  This should repair as much as eyesight as possible-hopefully it will be around 80%.

But it was during that moment, that one second that changed my life- I lost not only my vision in the physical sense, but more importantly- in the emotional sense.  

I lost my vision.  In life- as a mother - as a friend - as a person.  I went from someone who thought they had life all figured out to someone who all of a sudden was standing there watching everything slip away.  Not only could I not see the physical things in life anymore, but I also couldn't see where my life was headed.  I had lost my vision.

It has been six months since that night and although only doctors can fix my eyesight- it is up to me to fix my vision.  My vision on life.

As every teeny bopper, teenager, and Jersey Shore and Drake wannabe in America says- YOLO!!  Although this phrase gets on the very last nerve I have, and I literally would rather scrape my nails on a chalkboard than use it- there is a lot of truth to it.  You do only live ONCE.  And it is up to me how I live it.  

I want to be happy.  I want to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night knowing that I am truly happy.  That is not to say there won't be a bad day or two thrown in the mix, but happiness is not verb- it is not an action or something that takes place- it is an adjective- a feeling.  It is a state of being.  By putting a smile on my face and being thankful for everything that I do have as opposed to sulking about what I don't.  I am choosing to be happy.  

I want to make a difference.  A difference in the eyes of my daughter, the eyes of my friends and family, and in the eyes of myself.  I want to look in the mirror and be satisfied with the person that I am, so I try and live each day treating others how I want to be treated.  I try to offer a kind word, a listening ear, a hug, a voice of reason to anyone that needs it.  Everyone you meet is going through something, and if they aren't they either just overcame something or they are about to encounter it.  No one gets through life unscathed, and it is not those moments that define you- it is the way you handle it, the way you bounce back, and the way you refocus your vision.

I want to have fun.  Life is about the smiles, the excitement, the laughter, the fun.  I want to take each day and make it enjoyable, and to find a reason to enjoy each and every day.  I want to spend more time and energy doing all the things I love with friends and family than sitting there wondering what could have been.

It took a little bit of time, but I have spent months repairing my vision.  Trying to figure out my place in life and where I should go.   I have realized there are alot of things in life you can't control so I need to turn my focus to the things I can.  And what I can control is my outlook and my attitude.  So I am choosing to be happy, to make a difference, and to have fun in life.  That is my vision.

I may not have my eyesight in my left eye- but I probably see more clear now than I ever have.  I don't need my eyesight to have vision. 

So here's my vision:  You are given one life.  Go out and LIVE IT.  Take in the small moments, breath in the fresh air, enjoy long walks, engage in great conversation, ride that roller coaster you were always scared of, try new and different foods, travel.  Do anything.  But do not let life pass you by.  Enjoy the ride because you never know when the ride will stop. Live each and every day to the fullest.

What is your vision??

YOLO- 

Page :)

What I've learned....

So.... it's been a while since my last update.  
A little over 6 months to be exact- but the person who wrote that last blog post and the person that is sitting here writing today are two completely.different.people.

The reason for my blogging hiatus??  Well, life decided to throw me one (or several) hell of a curveball(s)- and quite honestly the thought of putting pen to paper during that time and writing about what my life consisted of would have driven me to tears (or straight to a large bottle of wine).  So I decided to just grab the bottle of wine, some good girlfriends, and have some ME time. 

Many of you know my story- some of you don't- and sometime soon I will find the courage to write about it. For now though, here is what I will say. I have grown up and learned more about myself and about life in a short amount of time than I ever imagined, and I wanted to share my takeaways from a time of overcoming obstacles, defeating the odds, and realizing that the one thing to understand about life is- it goes on.

1) Hold on tight to the good things in life-  There will be times when life will kick you straight in the gut, and it will hurt like hell.  But don't waste time trying to figure out the how and why something happened.  Sitting in the "why me" stage in life is a dark, dark place.  Focus on the good things you have, grasp them tightly and look for the light.  There is one at the end of every tunnel.

2) Appreciate the learning experience- There is nothing more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through the tears.  Don't live life with regrets- even during the times that cause you pain.  Smile because you learned from it and had the strength to rise above it.  At the end of the day it is not what you have been through that defines who you are- it's how you got through it.  These learning experiences set you up for the person you will be tomorrow.

3) If it is something you can't control, let it go- Positive things happen in your life when you choose to distance yourself from the negative things.  Stop holding onto what hurts, and make room for what feels right.  Don't let something out of your control interfere with all the things you can control.  Happiness is a mode of travel, not a destination- and that is something you are in total control of.

4) Their is no past or future- Your time to live is NOW.  Stop dwelling on your past and worrying about your future.  This allows you to suffocate your ability to thrive in the moment- the present- the now.

5) There is a lot more good in the world than bad-  It is during times of trial that you see the good in the world.  The outpouring of love of others is often times what gets you through a hard day.  Whether it be friends, family, acquaintances, or a total stranger, sometimes it is the smallest thing that can take a bad day to a good day.  Live life in the way that you see the good and be the good.  It makes the world a better place. 

6) There is no rule book-  You can research as much as you want, but there is no rule book in this thing called life.  It will be full of twists, turns, bumps, and bruises and there is no way to predict what the next piece to the puzzle will be.  Live for the moment, throw away the rules, and just be you.  You don't need the rules.

7)  With God on my side, I am able-  I am able to get through anything as long as I put my faith, my heart, my entire being into the hands of God.  There is much to this life that you won't understand- the hows, the whys, the reasons things happen.  Find faith in Him and you won't need those answers.  You will live with the assurance that God is all you need, and in Him you will be okay, no matter where the road leads.

I don't write this to tell anyone that this is the key to overcoming obstacles, but this is how I have overcome mine.  And I am still overcoming them- every.single.day!  Some days are good, some are bad, but at the end of the day, I can lay my head on my pillow with a smile on my face.  I have my friends, my family, my amazing daughter.  And I have my strength, my courage, and my will to live a happy life.  And that is all that I need.

Lots of love-
Page

It's been a while...

All of a sudden I turn around, and four months have gone by... FOUR! And then I realize that I haven't written a blog in a while.... you know, with all the extra time I have on my hands these days!!

Between the pile of laundry sitting on my kitchen table, the empty refrigerator that so desperately needs me to go grocery shopping, the overflowing trash cans, the inch of dust on the living room table, the unmade bed, and the mound of toys and teething rings laying around, the blogging just had to be put on hold for a while!

Do you ever feel like this???

Because I do every..........single.........day!!!!

The life of a mom is hard- whether you work or stay home- IT.IS.HARD!!!  This by far has been the most amazing, breathtaking, wonderful experience of my life- but is has also been the hardest.  

The sleepless nights, the crying, the dirty diapers, the amount of junk you have to take with you everywhere you go- and did I mention the sleepless nights?!?!  It's hard work.

But it is the BEST job I have ever had.  

This is my sweet little nugget- it is amazing how fast these last four months have gone by!!!

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!  This year I am so incredibly thankful for the blessing of motherhood... Charlee is truly our little gift from God :)

Hugs!

-Page